Some days I think I'm ready to try for another baby. And then some days I think I'll be ready when Fable is old enough to have an after-school job.
I swore off birth control forever before we conceived Fable, when my periods were irregular, my body wasn't ovulating, and I didn't know if I'd ever see two lines on a pee-stick. But when we did conceive with a little help from Clomid, my story suddenly changed, and I said we'd wait to try for a second when our first was six months old. Fable is now ten months old, and while I'll never again take The Pill, or any other form of hormonal contraceptive, we are still taking "certain measures" to prevent pregnancy.
I'm just not ready for another child. I need to sleep through the night and past 6:30 am first. Maybe Fable needs to be able to feed herself, bathe herself, and dress herself first.
But what if our conception journey is long? What if my body has forgotten how to make a baby? Are we wasting precious time?
I do look forward to another pregnancy, another birth. I wonder if we'll have a girl or a boy. What he or she will look like. What we'll call him or her. I loved feeling my baby grow and move in my womb, and I loved carrying her with me at all times. Feeling her leave my body and holding her for the first time was amazing, I can't wait to experience that again.
Or, maybe I can.
3 comments:
At least you are waiting until she is 10 months old to have these thoughts. I am still carrying the baby we waited 5 years to get, she is not due until July and I find myself having these thoughts already. The unknown and the what ifs are what get me. Of course I want to be able to enjoy her and watch her become her own little person before we go trying again but at the same time I remember how hard this journey was and how long it took and how precious time is. It's the things that make you go hmmmmm. :)
It's funny, when Samantha was just a few months old, I felt like I was ready for #2. Now, the older she gets, the longer I want to wait. I feel like I *could* be ready now, but I think we'll wait one more year to pull the goalie. :) I'm having so much fun with my sweet little Sam, I don't quite want to change things up just yet. :)
Bingo.
I can definitely relate to this limbo.
and ps i think it is so awesome to swear of birth control. not because i think we should all be conceiving a bunch of babies, but because i feel like birth control is so weird. it changes ur insides in such an unnatural way and i can't help but wonder if it is affecting women's health in a negative way! i am always so surprised more women don't question The Pill. Doesn't it worry them to have their body being sent such a hormonal mixed message? I am all for birth control, but i think hormonal birth control has the potential to screw up our bodies in ways we can't even figure out.
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