38 Weeks, 5 Days

2 cm, 70% effaced today. Feeling discouraged by that, although I'm not sure why. I'm not even to 39 weeks yet, and I know that baby has to come out eventually. And even if she comes late, that day is still so close. I am so close to meeting my little girl. I just need to be patient.

We discussed induction. I'd rather not induce, but if baby isn't out by 40 weeks, I think I'll be ready to consider it. So, we'll wait another week and see what happens. (Maybe this is why I'm feeling discouraged, thinking about induction. I'm really hoping we won't have to go that route.)

My belly measured small, but my doctor was not concerned since my fluid level was good just last week. Nor was she concerned that I dropped two pounds. My total weight gain is now 15 pounds. I promise I'm eating, so if my doctor is not worried, I'm not worried. But maybe I'll start eating ice cream for dinner every night. And Cinnamon Crunch bagels from Panera for breakfast.

I've been having lots of contractions, perhaps another reason for my feeling discouraged. Last Saturday, I was so sure that baby was on her way. The contractions were consistent, about 5-10 minutes apart. We timed them on our way to dinner with friends, and I thought we might not make it through the meal. But they never grew closer together, intensity did not increase, and I had no back pain or cramping. So, we had dinner, came home and went for a walk, and went to bed. At 3 am, I awoke to another bout of contractions, and again I thought it might be time to go to the hospital. But after thirty minutes, I fell asleep, so obviously, NOT labor. All day Sunday too, I had 5-6 contractions per hour. Still, no signs of true, baby-producing labor.

The contractions slowed on Monday. Then at work yesterday, I thought my water had broken. I was walking back to my desk from a trip to the bathroom, and I felt like I peed my pants, just a little. Of course I immediately thought it was my water, and that this was it -- but no. Turns out, I had just peed my pants. Just a little.

One of my pregnant friends pointed out, it's like Preconception Hypochondriasis all over again, except now I'm looking for signs of labor. And after all of that thinking I was in labor, I suppose I had these notions I'd be at least 5 cm today, that baby would be falling out and my doctor would send me to the hospital right away! (Silly me.)

Even though I'm only at 2 cm, I know baby can come any moment. It's difficult, not knowing when that will be or what tomorrow will bring. But it's also exciting, and a lesson in patience, giving up control and enjoying life as it comes. (I just hope the lesson is almost over.)

Pickles and Ice Cream

When my co-workers organized a baby shower for me, someone signed up to bring pickles and ice cream for the pot-luck lunch. Obviously, they were having fun with the fact that many women experience unusual food cravings when pregnant. I however, have not. In the first trimester, I did eat a lot of salty things, because I was often nauseated, and salt seemed to help with that. But when I passed through the sickness phase, I dropped the salt shaker and reunited with my sweet tooth. Occasionally I do crave something, like cinnamon rolls, or cupcakes, or chocolate chip cookies, (do we see a pattern here?) but as soon as my craving is satisfied, it passes. So there isn't anything that I have consistently craved throughout my pregnancy, and certainly nothing strange or unusual, like pickles and ice cream.

38 Weeks

Nursery: After

Before, and after:

37 Weeks, 5 Days

(I feel like I should be taking belly shots more frequently now, since baby could come any moment.)

John came along for my weekly appointment today, because we scheduled an ultrasound because my doctor looks for excuses to schedule ultrasounds to confirm that baby was head-down. She is, in fact, head-down, and she's beautiful. We watched her moving and turning, opening her mouth, sticking out her tongue, and puckering her lips. She is a sight to behold.

According to the ultrasound machine, she weighs approximately 6 pounds, 11 ounces, plus or minus one pound. So we really don't know how much she weighs, but we know that she's healthy, fluid level was good, and everything was measuring as it should. (Oh, and she is a she.) Also, I'm now 1.5 cm dilated, and 70% effaced. Very little progress from last week, but progress nonetheless.

As I was driving to the appointment, I realized that the scan could reveal some problem, that maybe baby would be breach, and we'd have to schedule a c-section, possibly very soon. And as I was thinking all this, I started to panic. Just a little. I have wanted a baby since before I knew where babies came from, and I prayed and hoped for this little miracle long before she was conceived, and I've been looking forward to her birth since the day I learned I was pregnant, but now that it's so close, I just...I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A CHILD. That any day now, I could go into labor and within hours, hold my daughter in my arms. My daughter, mine to raise and protect. So very soon, our little family of two will swell to a family of three, and our lives will never be the same again. I'm okay with that, and very excited, but also just a little bit scared. Just a little.

I came down with a nasty cold this weekend. My second this pregnancy. It's my own fault though -- I was doing too much and not resting enough. So I'm taking it easy from here on out. Being nine months pregnant isn't so bad, but nine months pregnant and fighting a cold is miserable. Lesson learned.

Other than the cold, I'm feeling okay. Pregnant, but okay. At all hours of the day, I feel like I've just eaten a large pizza by myself, what with the heartburn and indigestion. I find myself full after two bites of salad though, so no, I'm not eating large pizzas. Sleep is also uncomfortable. Baby likes to move, and she'll get going at bedtime, pushing up against my ribs or leaning against my bladder, kicking and rolling, keeping me awake. I prop my head on two pillows, place another under my belly, and one between my legs. During the night, I must roll myself out of bed to pee at least once, and then I'll wake up again from heartburn and take two TUMS. I've gone through three bottles of TUMS so far.

I still force myself to go to the gym in the mornings, and even though I can go 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, I'm winded from talking these days. And if I have to walk up any stairs, I need at least five minutes to recover. I've been having some contractions too. Nothing painful, or consistent. But I occasionally feel my belly getting hard, usually during or after physical activity.

None of this is exactly pleasant, but it's all a part of the miracle that is growing in my womb, and it's totally worth it.

Ready

We're ready for her. Ready, in the sense that, the car seat is installed and has been inspected by a professional. The nursery is just about complete. I have everything for my hospital bag. We've chosen a pediatrician. We have the pack 'n play, the stroller, and the bouncer. Clothes and blankets have been washed. I'm registered at the hospital, although we haven't yet taken a class or toured labor and delivery. We'll do that this weekend if baby hasn't already made an appearance. And if she comes this week, I'm sure we'll figure out where we need to go, so I'm not concerned. I also haven't frozen any meals yet, but I plan to make a few things this week, as time allows. And if baby comes early, we won't starve. Friends and family have already volunteered to bring meals. So, we're ready enough.

John and I spent the day together this past Saturday. We went to breakfast, and went shopping. We attended an open house at a pediatrician's office, and then worked on the mobile for the nursery. John had to watch the USA-England World Cup soccer game in the afternoon, so he rubbed my feet and I napped while he cheered team USA on to tie England. And then we got all dressed up and went out for a fancy shmancy dinner. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the day, which ended with a movie at home on the couch. I know we will have days like this again, but it will probably be a little while, and maybe not so easy next time.

I always thought I would be anxious at this point, terribly uncomfortable and eager to be done with pregnancy. I am excited, and I cannot wait to meet my daughter, but I'm also enjoying these final days as a family of two. And even if baby comes close to her due date, or a little bit past, that's still only three weeks away. I'm sure three weeks will fly by like the past 37 weeks have, so I can wait.

But still, I'm ready whenever you are, little one.

37 Weeks

1 Centimeter, 50% Effaced

I had my first weekly prenatal appointment today. I say this every five minutes, but I can't believe I'm already nearing the end of my pregnancy. It seems like just last month that I was praying for nausea, wondering if I'd ever conceive. And wasn't it just last week when we learned we were pregnant? I still cry when I think about that day. That moment when I turned around and read the word, "Pregnant." And now here I am, just weeks away from holding my very own child in my arms. I just can't believe it. It's a miracle. A miracle.

We listened to her heartbeat today, like we always do. I remember when I was so anxious to hear her heart beating, back before I could feel her movements. Now, when we listen for the heartbeat, I know with confidence we will find it, because I feel my daughter moving constantly, and I know that she is alive and well. Today, her heart was beating 130 beautiful beats per minute.

After the heartbeat, my doctor measured my baby bump, as she's been doing for some time now. Once again, she said I was measuring perfectly, and I didn't bother to ask exactly how many inches or centimeters "perfectly" was. Her assurance was enough. I did, however, want to know if we were progressing toward labor. I wasn't expecting much, but the doctor said that I'm 1 centimeter dilated, and 50% effaced. I wasn't even sure what "effaced" meant, but I knew 50% had to be better than 0%. She also said that the baby has dropped, that she's very low, and she estimates that she'll weigh "a high six pounds" at birth. And the best part? She's scheduled an ultrasound for next week, because she couldn't positively confirm that baby is head down. She said she couldn't feel the soft spot of the head to be sure, and so next Wednesday, John and I will get to see our little munchkin one more time before her birth. I pray of course that her head is in fact, down, but I'm just thrilled for the opportunity to see her again. And then I hope it won't be too much longer before I see her face-to-face.

Belly Roll

Our baby is an active little thing. I've been trying to record her movements, but by the time I get the camcorder and turn it on, she usually goes still. Today though, today I got her.

36 Weeks

36 weeks. Geez Louise! I could have a baby THIS MONTH. I must look it too, because my co-workers keep asking when I'm leaving. According to the pregnancy checklist at thebump.com, the week 36 milestone is "last day of work." I think I should tell my boss about this because she must not know. But really, I don't mind working up until baby is born. It keeps me busy, and I'd rather have more time with my daughter when I can actually hold her in my arms and kiss her baby cheeks.

So when they ask how long I'll be around, I just tell them, until baby decides to make an appearance. Yesterday, someone asked if I might go into labor at work, and well, it's certainly a possibility. He said he'd bring in a stack of towels -- because isn't that what they say when someone goes into labor? "Bring towels and warm water!" I assured him though, we won't be needing the warm water, just a ride to the hospital if necessary.

Inevitably, when I say that I'll be working up until the end, someone tells me either that "the first one" is always late, or that their wife/mother/daughter/sister went into labor three weeks early. But the truth is, you never know. Baby will come when she is ready, and although mama wishes she could know when that will be, mama is learning patience, and starting to understand that she'll never be able to make plans like she was accustomed to before. It's going to be an adjustment, but I say, bring it on. I can't wait to adjust to life with this baby.

35 Weeks

I took this picture the day of baby shower #2. We had four showers, the little one and I. My co-workers organized the first, my dear friend from high school and her mother hosted the second, my mother's sisters gave the third, and my nearest and dearest friend and her mother showered us a fourth time. All within 9 days. Baby and I are very, very blessed.