Back to Work

Whoops, where did August go? I've not been writing much. I've been too busy kissing cheeks and nibbling on fingers and toes. And now my little dove is ten weeks old, and I'm returning to work tomorrow. It feels like the first day at a new school. Except instead of packing pens and paper, tonight I packed my breast pump and milk storage bottles. And even though I'm returning to work at the same company where I've been working for three years, tomorrow I'll be separated from my little girl for eight and a half whole hours, the longest we've been apart by far. I'm nervous and anxious, and most of all, feeling guilty.

The truth is, I don't really have to return to work. John has a very good job, making enough money to comfortably provide for our family. If I decided not to go back, John would fully support me. But I'm going back to work tomorrow because I can. Because I said I would. Because it's a good situation. I actually like the company I work for, my boss, and my coworkers. I am only going to be working part-time, just two days a week. And I'm leaving Fable with a friend. It's a good situation. I tell myself I have to at least give it a try. See how it goes.

But tomorrow, when my dove is upset, I won't be the one to comfort her. I won't be the one to feed her. She'll be in good hands, but they won't be mine. I'm going back to work part-time so that we can have a bit of discretionary income, so that I can get out of the house a bit and be around adults. That's what everyone tells me I'll need, adult conversation. But what about Ms. Fable? I like our conversations. Even if I do the talking for the both of us.

She's already been asleep now for close to forty minutes, so I really should scoot off to bed myself. The morning will come quickly, whether I like it or not. I know I'm feeling all sad and mopey tonight, but I'm sure I'll feel better once we've made it through one day. And truth be told, I'll likely miss her more than she misses me.

Fable,

I love you, my darling girl. And tomorrow I'll think of you often. I hope you won't be too upset that I'm not around, and I promise I'll come back for you as soon as I can. And then I'll hold you all night and you can tell me all about your day.

Love,

Mama