When my husband was growing up, he never had a pet. For some reason, this often comes as quite a shock to those who broach the subject with him. The conversation usually goes back and forth like this.
Them: Not even a dog?
John: No, no pets.
Them: Not even a cat?
John: No, no pets.
Them: Not even a hamster?
John: No, no pets.
Them: Not even a gerbil?
John: No, no pets.
Them: Not even a goldfish?
John: No, not even a pet rock.
That's sort of what it's been like, as we tell immediate family and close friends about our pregnancy. We've decided that we'll tell our parents and siblings, and the close friends who already know we've been trying, but other than that, mums the word. Except that some are finding our news so exciting, they are DYING to tell SOMEONE. And so the conversation goes something like this.
Them: Can I tell my sister?
Us: No, please don't tell anyone.
Them: Can I tell a friend?
Us: No, please don't tell anyone.
Them: Can I tell a friend who doesn't even know you?
Us: No, please do not tell anyone.
Them: Can I tell my manicurist who doesn't even speak English?
Us: NO, DON'T EVEN TELL YOUR PET ROCK.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
I Peed on a Stick
On Tuesday, I heard the tapping of her heels and I knew she was coming. I was so sure of it, I allowed myself a cup of coffee on Wednesday morning. And I wore no mascara for two days, because my period was going to make an appearance and I figured there was no point in applying mascara if I was just going to cry it all away. So all week, I've been waiting for her.
But she didn't show up. There was no sign of her on Wednesday, cycle-day-31, the day she usually shows up when my cycle is "regular." Then I didn't hear from her on Thursday either, and so I started to hope. I started to think, "Maybe I'm pregnant?"
I counted the days of my last three cycles. And then I counted the days from my blood work. And then I counted the days from when I thought maybe I had ovulated. I was afraid to test, and yet, I needed to know. Because all I've been able to think about for 24 hours is periods and pee-sticks.
I was torn - to test, or not to test? Because I couldn't make a decision, I let the Internet make one for me. I took a poll, and 50% agreed that I should test this morning. Friday. Cycle-day-33.
I chose to pee on a digital test, rather than one of the tests from the dollar store. I figured, if I'm going to do this, I'll do it right. And then I stood there, afraid to look, afraid of seeing the words, "Not Pregnant." My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, and I could barely breathe. I stood there, saying aloud to myself, "The test will be negative, and it will be okay. I'm not pregnant, but I will be, one day. IT. IS. OKAY."
Except, when I turned around and picked up the test, it read "PREGNANT."
I. AM. PREGNANT.
But she didn't show up. There was no sign of her on Wednesday, cycle-day-31, the day she usually shows up when my cycle is "regular." Then I didn't hear from her on Thursday either, and so I started to hope. I started to think, "Maybe I'm pregnant?"
I counted the days of my last three cycles. And then I counted the days from my blood work. And then I counted the days from when I thought maybe I had ovulated. I was afraid to test, and yet, I needed to know. Because all I've been able to think about for 24 hours is periods and pee-sticks.
I was torn - to test, or not to test? Because I couldn't make a decision, I let the Internet make one for me. I took a poll, and 50% agreed that I should test this morning. Friday. Cycle-day-33.
I chose to pee on a digital test, rather than one of the tests from the dollar store. I figured, if I'm going to do this, I'll do it right. And then I stood there, afraid to look, afraid of seeing the words, "Not Pregnant." My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, and I could barely breathe. I stood there, saying aloud to myself, "The test will be negative, and it will be okay. I'm not pregnant, but I will be, one day. IT. IS. OKAY."
Except, when I turned around and picked up the test, it read "PREGNANT."
I. AM. PREGNANT.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Thinking
I'm pregnant. I just know it.
No, I'm not pregnant. I can't be.
But I have been really tired lately. Is this PMS, or am I pregnant?
And my boobs are mildly sore. This could mean I'm pregnant, or that I'm going to start my period.
If I'm pregnant, I can finally drink that tea for pregnant women that I bought eight months ago.
Eight months ago, I thought I was pregnant and I wasn't. Why would I be pregnant now?
Today is cycle-day 29, so maybe I should go ahead and test tomorrow morning.
No, be patient.
But what if I'm pregnant?
But what if the test is negative. Then what?
Maybe I'll just wait until Friday. If I haven't started my period, I'll test Friday.
Or Wednesday.
No, Friday.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Bun in the Oven
A friend, one who is privy to my little secret, gave me this stamp, for when I have an announcement to make.
About a bun.
In my oven.
Thanks, Friend!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Thank You Clomid
In August, after my first round of Clomid, I celebrated a semi-regular cycle. Now, after three rounds of Clomid, I'm celebrating The Big "O" - and no, not that "O." I'm talking about ovulation. I ovulated. Sounds funny, right? Because it sounds like some gross bodily function when you put it like that, and because I didn't think my body knew how to ovulate. I didn't think the words "I" and "ovulated" would ever go together like that. But this month, after 150mg of Clomid, my progesterone level was 12.8, and they say this is conducive to conception. So thank you, Clomid. Thank you for giving me a chance.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Status Report
Clomid Round One - 50 mg
Progesterone Level - 1.5 ng/ml
Comid Round Two - 100 mg
Progesterone Level - 5.5 ng/ml
Clomid Round Three - 150 mg
Progesterone Level - TBD
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