I Peed on a Stick

On Tuesday, I heard the tapping of her heels and I knew she was coming. I was so sure of it, I allowed myself a cup of coffee on Wednesday morning. And I wore no mascara for two days, because my period was going to make an appearance and I figured there was no point in applying mascara if I was just going to cry it all away. So all week, I've been waiting for her.

But she didn't show up. There was no sign of her on Wednesday, cycle-day-31, the day she usually shows up when my cycle is "regular." Then I didn't hear from her on Thursday either, and so I started to hope. I started to think, "Maybe I'm pregnant?"

I counted the days of my last three cycles. And then I counted the days from my blood work. And then I counted the days from when I thought maybe I had ovulated. I was afraid to test, and yet, I needed to know. Because all I've been able to think about for 24 hours is periods and pee-sticks.

I was torn - to test, or not to test? Because I couldn't make a decision, I let the Internet make one for me. I took a poll, and 50% agreed that I should test this morning. Friday. Cycle-day-33.

I chose to pee on a digital test, rather than one of the tests from the dollar store. I figured, if I'm going to do this, I'll do it right. And then I stood there, afraid to look, afraid of seeing the words, "Not Pregnant." My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, and I could barely breathe. I stood there, saying aloud to myself, "The test will be negative, and it will be okay. I'm not pregnant, but I will be, one day. IT. IS. OKAY."

Except, when I turned around and picked up the test, it read "PREGNANT."

I. AM. PREGNANT.