I keep thinking that the end of this road is just around the corner. That just around the corner, I'll find myself turning onto a road that leads directly to mommyland.
In the beginning, I thought this part of the journey would be short. Like, "I'll just have to stop for lunch and a potty break" short. But months one, two and three went by, with no end in site. Then, there was that month I stocked up on tampons, thinking that then, I probably wouldn't need them for a while. And when I began blogging for Conceive, I was sure I would find myself expecting. It just made sense, like when I bought 18 boxes of tampons, when I decided to start sharing my journey openly, certainly then I'd find the journey ending. Because life is ironic like that.
But even with the tampons and the blogging, I'm still on this road. And now it's apparent that I'll be on this road for a while longer. At least now I have "sperm-friendly" lubricant, so if my body ever decides to cooperate, there will be nothing keeping his sperm from my egg. That's another one, I thought for sure when I spent $16.55 on Pre-Seed, I'd find I no longer had a need for such a product. I was wrong.
Just like I was wrong when I thought after the first month of Clomid, we'd realize there really was no issue. Like when you're little and you complain of a sore throat to go home early, and they test you for strep and the results are negative. I expected my progesterone level to be normal. I thought, this must be all in my head. It's just taking a little longer to conceive. They're going to realize that I'm faking it, my body is functioning perfectly. But I was wrong.
I haven't spoken with my doctor yet, but I know that my progesterone level was 5.5 this month, after Clomid round 2 (100mg). I've read lots of different things about what this means, and the general consensus is that I am not pregnant. It seems that even if I did ovulate, the conditions still weren't conducive to conception. So, the journey continues.
PS: Oh, and I thought after month one of Clomid, I'd end up with triplets or octuplets or something. Because, really, I was probably fully fertile.
Not even close.
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6 comments:
Sounds like we're in the same boat, but I'm a month behind you! I'm on cycle 1 of 50 mg of Clomid, but saw no mature follicles and never got a positive OPK test. I got my progesterone levels checked on Friday, and found out today that my prog level is .55! That seems so low!! I assume it's just confirmation that I did not ovulate & I'm on to Round 2 of Clomid, but this time at 100 mg...
I'm sorry to hear that your journey is taking longer than you would like. I really enjoy reading your blog, and I hope to one day soon read that you are pregnant!
Just stumbled upon your page/post, and it was just so on I wanted to say hi. I'm not out as IF to my family or on my blog, but I obsessively read others! I think the same thing every time I buy tampons, go to the RE's office, or plan a trip. A big "oh, I'll regret paying for this" just waiting for Murphy's Law to get me....but I don't, and it doesn't, and I'm still here...waiting. Best of luck to you, thanks for sharing.
I'm so sorry. If it helps at all, I want to scream with you. This was supposed to be fun. Who knew it was going to suck so badly? I used Pre-Seed for the first time this month too. I don't think I really noticed a difference, but hey... whatever works. Just waiting until I can test (and not feeling very optimistic). But crossing my fingers for you... ready for you to hear from your doctor and establish a new game plan.
Aw, I'm so sorry, hon. I really, truly hope that it will happen for you soon!!!!
i just stumbled upon your blog. i am on a similar road as you. i am on my 2nd round of clomid (100 mg this time). first time no dominant follicles seen (who even knew what a dominant follicle was until all of this started!) this past day 13 ultrasound, i had one dominant follicle. i am going back in on day 21 for a progesterone test, this is the 1st time i have done this. i am also confused as to what the number is supposed to mean. all my doc said was if it's low, we'll give you a supplement to boost it, just in case you are pregnant. so i guess she's just trying to give me the best chance possible. i feel like i could have ovulated this month, but then again, who knows, i haven't ovulated on my own since january. good luck to you....i will keep following your blog.
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