I think I lied.

Remember when I said that I'd stopped expecting to be expecting, and that I'd be SURPRISED if I was pregnant this month? I think I lied.

Last Saturday, I started my period. I had said that I was expecting my period to start, but when it did, I proceeded to drink way more wine than I should have, and still I grieved my empty womb. Then on Sunday, as my husband and I were headed to church, we rescued a loose dog that was trying to commit suicide by running in the MIDDLE OF THE STREET. Yes, right between the cars and all. We called the owner and returned the dog, but not before Sami (the name of said dog) had left hair all over our backseat and put a hole in my shirt when she tried to jump in my lap. Oh, and the owner? She was pregnant.

We never made it to church. Instead, we went back home, curled up in bed, and my husband held me as I cried. And that night, he left a card for me in the bottom of the basket of laundry I was folding. In so many words, he wrote that he loved me and and that he's waiting with me. And I cried some more.

I knew that my husband wanted to have kiddos too, but I've felt the majority of the burden of this journey until now. And I'm not talking about whether we're dealing with male or female factor infertility. I mean that I'm the one who has been researching and charting and testing. I'm the one analyzing every pain, cramp, sensation and body function. I know when my period is supposed to show, and I deal with the hormonal effects when she does. I'm the one who is buying baby clothes and picking out baby names and blogging about my obsession with having a child. And I thought my husband was just along for the ride.

But now I realize that he is on this ride with me. He came to my OB appointment with me on Monday and asked more questions than I did. He humors me when I suggest baby names and just smiles when I show him something I've bought for our future child. He wants to have this baby too.

As I looked over at him in bed last night, I suddenly felt like someone was squeezing my heart so tight I could barely breathe. At that moment, I felt how deeply I love him. I have always loved him, but now I cannot picture my life without him in it. He has become a part of me and I cannot wait to see what we can create, together. A life, a child, a home and a lifetime of memories.