Call me Aunt Jane

I'm going to be an aunt today. My sister-in-law is having a c-section at 3pm, and I'll have a little niece shortly thereafter. Should be exciting and wonderful, right? Well, I feel like finding a corner to cry in.

When I found out that I was going to be an aunt, I was surprised, a little excited, but mostly envious. And when I heard that I was going to have a niece, I actually did cry. I'm not sure why I was so upset. Probably because I really want a little girl. I want a little boy too, but I REALLY want a little girl. I want to decorate her room like this. And I want to take her shopping to buy dresses and headbands and stockings. I want to braid her hair and hold her hand while she has her ears pierced. And help her pick out her first tube of lipgloss. And hopefully, one day we'll have the relationship that I have with my mama, my best friend. A mother first, and then my very best friend.

So, when I hear about others having little girls, the envy just creeps in and takes over. No, it's not the right reaction, I know that. In fact, it's ridiculous and immature. I know that one day I will have my own babies and there is no reason to think that I will not have a girl. But still, until that day, everyone else should just stop having little girls. Actually, could you just stop having babies? Is that REALLY too much to ask?


*Update: I've met my little niece and I'm in love. IN LOVE. I can't help it. I had no idea how moved I would be by her birth, her existence. She is so tiny, so precious, so fragile, so beautiful. She has 10 tiny little toes and 10 tiny little fingers, complete with fingernails! And eyelashes! Every new little thing she does is amazing. Every sound, every movement - when she scrunches up her face or sticks out her tongue - I am completely captivated by her. And to think, my babies will be even more beautiful, I will feel even more love for them, they will live and breathe and grow inside of ME. God, please give me patience.