four (almost five) months

A few months after we were married, the husband and I thought we were pregnant. When I asked him what we would do, he said, "Get married, buy a house, get good jobs, and have a baby." Yes, we were already married, we had owned a house for 9 months, and we both had steady jobs making decent money. Point being, ours wasn't the worst situation for a baby. Okay, the husband was right (of course). As it turned out though, we weren't pregnant, and there was really no need to worry about such things. But a little while later, when the shocking fear of impending disaster had dissipated, we found ourselves wishing that we had in fact, been pregnant after all.

You see, deciding to make a baby is a big deal. It's a HUGE decision, one that shouldn't be taken lightly. It's something so life-changing that one might never decide to step out on that ledge unless prompted, or pregnant by accident. So, when the husband and I decided four (almost five) months ago to start trying for a baby, I was ready. I had made up my mind and I totally expected to be pregnant immediately. Well, unfortunately for my Type A personality, that's not how it works. And four (almost five) months later, I'm still not pregnant.

So now I REALLY wish we'd become pregnant accidentally. In fact, if I'd thought about it, I should have started forgetting to take my birth control months ago. Because now, I'm living with Preconception Hypochondriasis, time has slowed to a snail's pace, and I have to avoid sushi, wine, cherry coke zero and cold medicine -- with no real incentive. When I know for a fact that I'm pregnant, I think it will be easy to avoid all of these "do not consume when pregnant or breast-feeding" items. But until then, every month that I suffer through a cold without medicine, only to find out that I'm not pregnant, is torture! And then of course, when I am sick, everyone suggests all of the medicines that I can't take, and I really can't explain why I'm not taking them without giving away my little secret -- which is really just that we're TRYING, not that we're ACTUALLY PREGNANT.

Oh, and I've had like three colds in the last four (almost five) months.